A Blessed Night with A Heart in Turmoil

“…Remove the humiliation..The shadow which follows us…And say, those who follow His guidance do not suffer…” (Ahmad Bukhatir’s Nasheed : ‘Iqra’)

I couldn’t explain how much I love this beautiful Nasheed. ‘Iqra’, the most beautiful nasheed that I ever heard. Since the first time, until now, I find my hands wipe my eyes whilst my heart deep inside feels the spirit of faith, when listening to this Nasheed.

Tonight, on the seventeenth day of Ramadan, in this beautiful and blessed month, I find my self sit alone peacefully with a heart in turmoil along with this nasheed humming on my ears, and..

“…Remove the humiliation..The shadow which follows us…And say, those who follow His guidance do not suffer…” my eyelids couldn’t resist the feeling inside…I let ‘them’ fall.

A lecture that I love from Yasmin Mogahed, “The Attribute of Patience”  suddenly recalled on my mind…I come to understand that”Sabr”,perseverance, is a profound ingredient to follow His guidance. It is something that we can’t just do…we need to strive in order to follow His guidance. Something that we believe, something that we hold as our principle, may don’t suit with what happen in our reality. Our society, our friends and even our family sometimes may not hold the same.

The turmoil inside leads me to ask myself…. Am I crossing His boundary? I started questioning my own happiness that has been happening recently. The happiness that should not stain the purity of my intention. The happiness that should not influence the important decision that I should make. Yes. the greatest test sometimes come in the form of happiness. May Allah always guide us all.

I will never be able to expect what Allah (SWT) had written for me. But I always put my trust on Him that He must have planned the best for me. Allah is Ar-Rahman Allah is Ar-Rahiim, The most gracious and The most merciful. He understands me more than I understand myself, He loves me more than I love my self…this is something that I try to penetrate deep into my heart.

“Oh, Allah I seek goodness from You because of your knowledge (of what is good for me) and I ask You to grant me the ability (to do what is best) because of Your power and I ask You (to grant me) of Your great favour, because You have power and I do not, and You know (what is best for me) and I do not, and You have full knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If You know that this matter is better for me with regards to my Deen, my worldly life, and the outcome of my affairs, destine it for me, and if You know that this matter is bad for me with regards to my Deen, my worldly life, and the outcome of my affairs, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and destine for me good wherever it may be and then make me pleased with it” 

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