When being Given A ‘Silent Treatment’

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Silent treatment is irritating. It hurts especially when it comes from the ones who are close enough to us and we most care about. Ignoring will certainly left the ones whom being ignored stuck with tons of questions.

Various reason lies behind that “ignoring” treatment. It might because of, either; anger, disappointment, bustle, or even (this is the silly one) without any reason. However, we cannot assume someone’s silent treatment towards us negatively without certain prior understanding. Reflecting on ourselves is necessary because we may find and then realize that the fault might be (apparently) in our sides.

We must have known that as a Muslim we should not ignore others for more than three days. The Prophet (PBUH) said “It is not permissible for a Muslim to have estranged relations with his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning the other way when they meet; the better of two is one who is the first to give a greeting”(Muslim)

I, personally, do not like this type of treating someone(s). Ignoring only will ruin a good relationship as it may develop negative thoughts and supposition. However, each one acts differently in dealing with certain type of matters. Therefore, being ignored can be inevitably happen to us. Then, how to deal with ‘silent treatment’?

I dealt, and I learned these;

Self-reflection

Firstly, calm and reflect on yourself.

Yes, it is great if we can easily fathom the reason behind that treatment. However, sometimes we do not get, really do not have any idea and left in a puzzlement. Before fall into wanton assumptions, we should reflect on ourselves that we might done any mistake or uttered any unpleasant words unconsciously which may have hurt that person. If so, we must ask apologize. Then, a lesson learned. Keep in mind and make sure that those kind of acts and words (which caused their silent treatment towards us) will never be done and uttered anymore, especially to that particular person, lest it was just because every one perceives and reacts differently. Some people can be sensitive to certain words or acts even though for the others those are not bothering at all.

Give Some Time

…All of a sudden we got ignored, we reflected on ourselves tried to seek our mistake, but, still cannot figure it out. It feels like..that we are being ignored for no reason. Questions are bubbling in our mind as if urge to burst out…

We may prone to be hasty asking to who has given us that ‘silent treatment’ any sort of ‘why’ questions. However following such ’emotional inquiry’ is not a good idea.

Yes, it is understandable that we will probably get upset and be irritated badly. But, we should not make situation even worse by bombarding the one(s) who ignoring us with incessant questions emotionally. Giving some time is not a bad idea, just for calming down, not for hold it in a long time. Think positively, that the reason is might be they were too busy, or other personal problems.

‘Tit for Tat’ is not The Solution

To think about giving treatment same way is easy than to not. However, ‘tit for tat’ will not help the situation well-ended. Instead, it just will develop negative thoughts or even hatred in both sides. If no one willing to diminish their ego to initiate greeting or speaking, both will probably dwell in this situation for a coon’s age.

Do you want to sacrifice your relationship, sisterhood and fraternity for just might be (apparently) a mere oversight or misunderstanding? Open your arms widely, let them know that you care about them and they can communicate whenever they want. Taking the first initial communication will not shatter your ego. Instead, you are showing the mature way in dealing with them and solving the ‘bottle up problem’. Remember, “….the better of the two is one who is the first to give a greeting”(Muslim).

Quit the ‘Ego-game’

After all, if you finally have to realize that their silent treatment seems does not come to an end, your ‘open arms’ still cannot melt their coldness, then time for you to quit their ‘ego-game’. Quit does not mean cut off. It means that your arms still open for them. Greet, say Salam, but you quit from focusing on and being bothered by their silent treatment. Do not let it affect you and your attitude towards them. That immature treatment which being addressed towards you should not decline your kindness in treating them. “the best of people in his attitude towards others” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Silent treatment is not a good way to deal and solve problems. It is an immature way which more likely harm relationship. We should not use silent treatment as a sword to hurts others to defend and save our ego. After all we are one family, although if not bond in a kinship we are still sisters in Islam which supposed to be tied in a beautiful sisterhood.

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